“This is an antisocial medium. Please go away. Nay, nay. Shoo fly. Tis me hitherto soul in a box. I’m neither here nor there.”
∞ wild IRE ∞
“Awakening” photos by TAFKA Robert LaSalle (2020-2021)
Robert LaSalle 2003-2020
∞OFFICIAL ROBERT LASALLE EPK & EULOGY∞
R.I.P.
∞
VAN
∞
WINKLE
∞
R.I.P. ∞ VAN ∞ WINKLE ∞
“You don’t remember Robert Sally? You know, he sang that one song in that show. What’s it called? Oh you know, I can’t remember the name of it. That show with that guy from the 90’s and that other guy, you know, with the weird hair. It wasn’t that great of a show, but the song was okay. I mean, It wasn’t a remarkable song, really. He’s no Taylor Swift, right honey? Anything outside 3 chords at 120 bpm and I shit the bed. I don’t enjoy thinking or feeling much. Anyways, that guy who sang that song in that show with that other guy with the hair, he’s dead. That’s kinda sad, right? Are you thinking we eat out tonight? I’ve been craving tortured animal flesh with corn syrup. ”
RIP Robert LaSalle (2003-2020)
ENTROPIC SOCIETY OF AESTHETIC BANKRUPTCY HONOR ROBERT LASALLE FOR HIS CONTRIBUTIONS TO THESE DUMB TV SHOWS:
THE ROBERT LASALLE STORY, ALBUM BY ALBUM:
THE ROBERT LASALLE DISCOGRAPHY:
Herein lie the remains of René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle, explorer of metaphysics. His last words were, "Fuck the music industry, fuck society, and God bless you sick, fat, phony, cunt bastards, hallelujah, Kumbaya, sayonara & good riddance." Then the wolves chewed off his jaw and he spoke no more. Though he stayed alive for nearly another hour while the wolves gnawed on him. At one point he hummed the melody to "Stayin Alive" in a wispy, gargling "agghh" tone. A small crowd gathered to rejoice. He was not well liked by humans. The wolves were quite fond of him. Amen.
faceHoleFuckHubTUBE™
(misery generator)
In lieu of social media the artist created FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ for absurd things no one particularly cares to see or read.
In order to like, subscribe & comment, write your response on a piece of papyrus scroll then find a swift passenger pigeon. Place your response in the garbage & tap your toes three times. Your opinion is extremely valuable & FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ thanks you in advance for having such important opinions.
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∞
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THIS IS A TOP SECRET ANTISOCIAL MEDIUM. DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT.
trivia question of the day
Dogs, Beatles & Apples is the correct response. Better luck next time.
steve bless us everyone
sneeze
∞
sneeze ∞
Bless you steve
∞
Bless you steve ∞
Thank you
∞
Thank you ∞
you're welcome
∞
you're welcome ∞
part of your soul escaped
∞
part of your soul escaped ∞
Uh Oh!
∞
Uh Oh! ∞
prioritize your life today
a word from our sponsors
Made in ky, travels west
Book a car at TinyCars today and use discount code [facefuck] to get lost in the desert & die with style in a shiny red sports car from Kentucky, birthplace of FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ founder TAFKA Robert LaSalle & birthplace of Corvettes, bourbon, hookworms, meth, tooth decay & barefoot outside indoors inside outdoors outhouse incest.
daily wisdom
“I built a gargoyle of Mama Cass to scare away all the ham sandwiches. It worked. I haven’t eaten meat in years.”
science vs. religion: solved
Steve bless you.
In Bad Faith, Sincerely Yours,
— His Steveliness Steve Stephens of the Church of Stephenly Steve
Darwin posing in the nude when he was a stick bug (photo taken 396,742,973 years, 3 months, 6 days ago as of 2/24/24)
motivational quote + swim lesson
“In regards to apropos à la vis-à-vis, with respect to the subject comparable with, in connection to or relation between analogous similarities akin to, in the manner of or resembling that to which is being referenced or referred to suchlike kindred congenial cognate connate homogeny, hallelujah, kumbaya my lord.”
Isaac Newton at the bottom of the ocean trying to understand the world in 2D. Art by William Blake.
who’s the real robert lasalle?
Dandy ass fop? Or petit-maître poseur?
17th century explorer
René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle
(1643-1687) killed by humans
who’s the real robert lasalle?
21ST CENTURY EXPLORER
RENÉ-ROBERT CAVELIER, SIEUR DE LA SALLE
(2003-2020) EATEN BY WOLVES
Very important framed human person of high status
HOT?
OR NOT?
To reply, write “like” or “dislike” on a small piece of paper, then make a small paper airplane out of it, and then place it into the toilet and flush. Your opinion is extremely valuable & FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ thanks you in advance for having such important opinions.
conclusive evidence religion is real
Become a stevist, or you go to hell. period.
sneeze
sneeze
steve bless you
steve bless you
motivational quote from gospel of steve
“If you’ve committed mistevery, stevimey, stevultry, or if you’ve strayed from steveness in any way, confess stevely with your entire stevery, or else you will be distevenized and cast out of the Church of Stephenly Steve into the fiery Stevelessness.”
The wind is thinking about Steve
the Butterfly Infestation
Death-2-Pests, this is death speaking.
Butterflies?
You want me to go to your house & spray poison directly into the faces of butterflies?
OK, we’ll send someone over at 2 p.m.
Hi death, I have a terrible bug problem.
Can you get rid of butterflies?
Yeah.
I’m feeling better already. Au revoir!
We talking ants? Bedbugs? Roaches?
I’m not sure I know how or where to spray for butterflies.
Ok, how’s this Monday?
What?
No, they’re butterflies.
Spray them in their faces.
Afternoon’s good.
you can be as successful as steve
“To fuck a dick in the face, dick a face in the fuck, or to face a fuck in the dick — it’s simply a matter of perspective.”
Very successful person
Wodan the Wanderer, Creator & Destroyer, trading his eye for Wisdom & gaining gifts of Language & Poetry - accompanied by 2 ravenous wolves & 2 ravens (Thought & Memory)
Rudra is the howling Wild Ire, Creator & Destroyer, roaring the Universe into Existence.
In the beginning, a series of big bangs roars space & time into existence & billions of years later, humans ride the primordial roar, creating & destroying time & space while professing what we do & do not “believe” about the phenomena we already are.
Ancient American Wisdom
“If you need a neurosurgeon, gas station attendant or spiritual guide, we’re here to help”
“We invented mathematics, too”
“We’re not Indians”
“We were here before Amerigo Vespucci, so calling us Native Americans is equally absurd. ”
“You say to-mah-to, and I say it the right way”
“There’s a panda, a dragon and a wall involved.”
“One man’s trash is another man’s rubbish”
“Ooo, Ooo, yeah, ee, yeah, uh”
“I Am”
“I think therefore I Am”
“I Am That I Am”
“Before Abraham Was, I Am.”
““It’s all isness.”
“Isn’t isn’tness too?”
“It isn’t isn’tness, only isness.””
death masks ‘n fun facts
Beethoven (left) & William Blake (both devout stevists) died in 1827
Fun fact: all humans looked dead in the 19th century
visual depiction of first 3 decades in the life of robert lasalle (2nd from left)
[art by William Blake]
“I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you!”
“Just get your 238th job & 183rd home & 48th psychiatrist & try your 89th combination of pills & pray your ten thousandth prayer.”
“Clearly all the assaults, muggings, robberies, infestations, fires, floods, deaths & destruction in your life is your fault. Just get a job. Get a house. Pray. Take some pills. It’s easy. We’re all doing it, see?”
samsara
I think I'm lost, is it this way? Are you sure? I'm going to try to make an arch then go back downward if that's alright with you. Oh, damn, this again? This is quite a repetitive process, isn't it? Does it actually go on this way forever? Dear God, let me out! HEY! Anybody out there?! I'm stuck on a roller coaster of letters, and I think it's a metaphor for life. Yeah, I get it samsara. I'm ready to leave this redundant cycle now. Please?! God?! Ah shit, I have to do another round. I see it coming n-----
I think I'm lost, is it this way? Are you sure? I'm going to try to make an arch then go back downward if that's alright with you. Oh, damn, this again? This is quite a repetitive process, isn't it? Does it actually go on this way forever? Dear God, let me out! HEY! Anybody out there?! I'm stuck on a roller coaster of letters, and I think it's a metaphor for life. Yeah, I get it samsara. I'm ready to leave this redundant cycle now. Please?! God?! Ah shit, I have to do another round. I see it coming n-----
true things
“Howland Overboard” by Mike Haywood
Robert LaSalle, when embodied in human form, was a howlin’ Howland, direct descendant of John Howland who fell off the Mayflower into the Atlantic on the way to the new world. If crew hadn’t thrown him a rope, the artist would’ve only been a moth or a bear. Then again, 1620 at Plymouth, half the Mayflower passengers died the first winter. Howland lived. He’s the thirteenth signer of the Mayflower Compact, the governing principles which would become these United States of America. Unfortunately Howland lived & reproduced, and due to his survival, several generations later the artist became a human instead of a moth, entering into the music industry & being devoured by wolves. R.I.P. LaSalle
Song
about
a
shipwreck >>>
The artist has a long family history of not dying, although most of them do eventually die. If Captain Hardwick hadn’t insisted his son Henry stay in boarding school, the artist would’ve been a squirrel. The orphan Henry Hardwick was LaSalle’s Great-Great-Great Grandfather.
i’m sirius
People across the globe have always referred to the artist’s ravenous friends as "Dog Star" or "Wolf Star,” the brightest star in the sky, long said to be the origin of earthly life.
Oceans apart, ancients from every earthly continent & island always found the same Great Truth in this star, which appears as one star but is actually 2 stars, Wodan’s closest companions, Canis Minor & Canis Major (Greater Dogs)
Woof
∞
Woof ∞
MIC CHECK SNAKE
testes, testes, syphilis, syphilis, 1, 2,
testes, testes, syphilis, syphilis, 1, 2,
meow
Please enjoy this song about a cat.
Do Not Consume the cat.
this is not good cat.
very bland.
Meow
∞
Meow ∞
checkmate
After decisively beating the Chess.com computer who allegedly plays at 1800 level but never gives up, I get creative in how to checkmate him. It’s tricky though, because he’s always trying to stalemate.
the results are in!
Your IQ: 35
Scores based on your willingness to believe online test has accurately assessed your overall intelligence
Your Personality Type: BLAB
You’re the type of person who begins sentences with, “I’m the type of person who…” and one whom believes labels, descriptors, accolades and superlatives give you a deeper understanding of who you actually are.
YOUR NUMBER: 4
Comes before 5, although it comes after 3 & it's divisible by 2, so you go get 'em, tiger!
Your Emotional IQ: shovel
Digs holes. Green square nine walrus February who cares
Your Zodiac: Pigeon
Flies in circles, squawks, poops on cars, incessant thoughts of "Huh?" / fails self-exploration, believes personality tests.
YOUR GEMSTONE: PETRIFIED DUNG
You are a steaming turd turned cold and hard. Great success!
Your Friends character: Extra
You’re an extra from season 3 who appeared briefly in one scene but had no speaking role.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE A PERSONALITY. THIS AD SPONSORED BY BESTEST HELP. BESTEST HELP: A STRANGER WITH A BACHELOR’S DEGREE KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF. USE PROMO CODE [FACEFUCK] TO PAY 10% MORE IN TAXES. FOR THE BESTEST HELP, TRY BESTEST HELP. TALK TO A SUCCESSFUL PERSON ABOUT HOW SAD YOU ARE TODAY! CALL 1-800-EAT-SHOVEL
Clues Human Life Shouldn't Be Taken Seriously
FULL SCRIPT HERE (DO NOT READ)
PD
You’re telling me that new life on earth came out between the pee hole and the shit hole?
STEVE
I know it sounds like a joke, but that’s really how it was down there. Solid waste came out one hole, liquid waste another hole, and then a new human would pop out somewhere in the middle.
PD
How bizarre.
STEVE
And everything down there on earth had to kill other things and grind them up with the face hole.
PD
Whoa, that’s harsh. What would happen if you didn’t kill things?
STEVE
You’d die. Everything had to kill other things in order to live. It really sucked.
absurdity BELOW excerpted from macro ethic blog HASHTAG #EATTHIS
TOP SECRET. DO NOT READ.
Nilsson Schmilsson’s recipe for gastrointestinal discomfort:
1.) lime
2.) coconut
3.) drink ‘em bot up
+ FDA warns of de danger in drinking de lime in de coconut
+ FDA recommends Big Pharma - day say natural remedies are unsafe so ingest de chemicals instead
+ FDA says day promise der recommendations have notin’ to do wit der own personal investments in Big Pharma
Coconut poisoning symptoms:
False Caribbean accent
Singing about doctors who still prescribe home remedies
Schmilsson overdose:
Occurs when one casually sings about daily occurrences
A la, “I am typing nonsense into a blog post no one will ever read, lila la leala la la, dee-da da da”
I’m Schmilsson & I approve this message.
top secret: breaking news
BREAKING NEWS
∞
BREAKING NEWS ∞
Mark David Chapman was released from prison today, and within hours of regaining his freedom, he assumed possession of a handgun and shot Paul McCartney at point blank range.
In unrelated news, John Hinkley was released from psychiatric care yesterday, stole a rifle from an undisclosed location and shot Jimmy Carter.
Our source on the scene at the hospital says both Carter and McCartney are recovering on the same floor of the same hospital. Both are in good spirits and are said to be working on a new Christmas album about peanut butter called “McCarter Park.” Yum. Now back to your regularly scheduled shitfire.
paid advertisement by steve & steve
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PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY STEVE & STEVE
Listening to Robert LaSalle daily increases life expectancy, as told by real LaSalle fans from across the globe.
very intimidating squeeze^
UNREQUITED DIVULGENCE
“Seems so personal. Are you sure you want to divulge that kind of information about yourself to the public?”
“One surefire approach to assuring no one sees or hears anything I do is for me to make it public.”
More Absurd Songs
Posing for Renoir
Soon after devouring Robert LaSalle
^^^ this one’s so stupid I never even released it.
faceholefuckhubtube™
All FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ photos, words, sounds & videos copyrighted twice by
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∞ Planting Seeds of Awareness Since 1986 ∞
contact
faceholefuckhubtube™
For questions, comments, likes, subscribes, shares & follows, please write your message on papyrus scroll, neatly fold papyrus into origami fish, feed fish to closest stork then swim butterfly stroke to the island where the stork lives, sift through stork droppings to find remains of papyrus origami fish, use flint and bark to build fire, burn stork’s now dried fecal matter, backstroke to mainland carrying ashes above water in left hand, dump ashes into closest church’s holy water and/or alter wine, say hallelujah three times in a grating Boston accent while doing Macarena on the church pulpit then sing kumbaya very loudly at the priest, preacher and/or any onlooking churchgoers while brushing your teeth with the ashy holy water and/or alter wine adamantly insisting that everyone sing along, then once finished with the song, run out of the church screaming loudly and repeating, “You’re not my real Dad! You’re not my real Dad! You can’t tell me what to do!” Rinse toothbrush & repeat steps one through shivindy.
The Artist Formerly Known As Robert LaSalle looks forward to your response & thanks you in advance for being so successful and having such important opinions.
contact instructions For the Verbally Impaired:
To contact Robert LaSalle, The Artist Formerly Known As Robert LaSalle, and/or the entire team of all one of us at FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ just follow these 31 simple steps pictured above. Rinse and repeat until response is received. FaceHoleFuckHubTube™ thanks you in advance for having such important opinions!
Greater Dog gone vectorized
The artist wrote this painting with words on a hotel wall in San Fran behind an offensively hideous framed painting of tulips.
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>>>
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<<<<<<<<<<
The artist formerly known as Robert LaSalle hopes you enjoy this song. It is my favorite song I ever did. It’s made from Promethean clay.
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>>>
I don't owe you anything
I don't owe you anything
I’m in debt to a memory
All I own is tomorrow
Take it away from me
Yesterday will follow
The rest of me
Bought and sold to sorrow
One more soul to barter
Make a bet with me
Find the deepest waters
Debt for destiny
If feathers float on broken wings
If sorrow sinks
I don't owe you anything
I don’t…
Fly into the water
Sorrow (sorrow)
Sorrow (sorrow)
I never thought I'd have to choose
Well I thought I’d paid my dues
A bet I thought I couldn't lose
What's my debt
Well I kept
A promise that I made to you
If you're gonna use me
Use me for the truth
If you're gonna use me
Use me for something new
If you're gonna use me… Use me!
Use me
Let my love be martyred
Let my lungs be hollowed
Anchored to the sea
Let my conscience swallow
Her misery
Sorrow (sorrow)
Sorrow (sorrow)
I don't owe you anything
Follow me down
I'd rather take the lead
I know I'll never be hollow
Feathers still float, anchored to me
But I'll sink
To the deepest water
Swimming back to me
Begging me in borrow
My depth is in debt to a broken wing
Sorrow…
You are only memories
(Sorrow, sorrow)
I don't owe you anything!
Oh, I don't owe you anything
I don't owe you anything
I’m The Artist & I approve this message.